What Does it Mean to be Codependent?
Characteristics of Codependency
1) Lack of Objectivity - When we lack objectivity, our judgement is based almost exclusively on our emotions and situations. In it's extreme, a person who lacks objectivity is consumed by their own needs, pain, and situations; so much so that he or she can't "see the forest through the trees".
2) Warped Sense of Responsibility - As codependents, we feel like a savior or a Judas; one who rescues or one who betrays, one who helps or one who fails to help. Both are driven by the same goal; the need for a sense of worth and the need to be loved and accepted. The savior feels that they are accomplishing that goal, and the Judas fears that they cannot.
3) Controlled/Controlling - As codependents, we desperately try to find our security and value in pleasing people. Guilt and comparison are our primary motivators. Eventually, we can tire of this performance game and retreat into resentment and anger. Some seek to control others using the same techniques that have been used on us. We may use praise, anger, and withdrawal to get people to do what we want them to do.
4) Hurt and Anger - Hurt is the result of not being loved, respected, or valued. Anger is a response to a source of hurt. It's okay to feel angry. It's a God given emotion, but what we do with our anger is something else. Anger expressed inward can result in depression. Anger expressed outward can result in physical or verbal abuse.
5) Guilt -Codependents often feel guilty. We feel guilty for what we've done and for what we have not done. Guilt motivates us to perform, or to measure up. But we are motivated because we think we "have to", not because we "want to". If unresolved, feelings of guilt can eventually turn into feelings of worthlessness and shame.
6) Loneliness - As codependents we spend our lives giving, helping, and serving others. Our attempts to please others by serving them are designed to win their affection. Although we desperately want intimacy in our relationships, we may be mistrustful of it and so having locked others out, we inadvertently lock ourselves in. From the outside we may appear to be the most social people in the world, but inside we can be very lonely.
We offer the following:
~A weekly workshop based solidly on biblical truths.
~A supportive, caring, and confidential environment.
~An opportunity to examine the roots of you own codependent patterns.
~A safe place to recover from the effects and causes of codependency.
1) Lack of Objectivity - When we lack objectivity, our judgement is based almost exclusively on our emotions and situations. In it's extreme, a person who lacks objectivity is consumed by their own needs, pain, and situations; so much so that he or she can't "see the forest through the trees".
2) Warped Sense of Responsibility - As codependents, we feel like a savior or a Judas; one who rescues or one who betrays, one who helps or one who fails to help. Both are driven by the same goal; the need for a sense of worth and the need to be loved and accepted. The savior feels that they are accomplishing that goal, and the Judas fears that they cannot.
3) Controlled/Controlling - As codependents, we desperately try to find our security and value in pleasing people. Guilt and comparison are our primary motivators. Eventually, we can tire of this performance game and retreat into resentment and anger. Some seek to control others using the same techniques that have been used on us. We may use praise, anger, and withdrawal to get people to do what we want them to do.
4) Hurt and Anger - Hurt is the result of not being loved, respected, or valued. Anger is a response to a source of hurt. It's okay to feel angry. It's a God given emotion, but what we do with our anger is something else. Anger expressed inward can result in depression. Anger expressed outward can result in physical or verbal abuse.
5) Guilt -Codependents often feel guilty. We feel guilty for what we've done and for what we have not done. Guilt motivates us to perform, or to measure up. But we are motivated because we think we "have to", not because we "want to". If unresolved, feelings of guilt can eventually turn into feelings of worthlessness and shame.
6) Loneliness - As codependents we spend our lives giving, helping, and serving others. Our attempts to please others by serving them are designed to win their affection. Although we desperately want intimacy in our relationships, we may be mistrustful of it and so having locked others out, we inadvertently lock ourselves in. From the outside we may appear to be the most social people in the world, but inside we can be very lonely.
We offer the following:
~A weekly workshop based solidly on biblical truths.
~A supportive, caring, and confidential environment.
~An opportunity to examine the roots of you own codependent patterns.
~A safe place to recover from the effects and causes of codependency.
Compulsive Behaviors Defined
Compulsive behaviors (addictions), are behaviors that stem from a powerful, difficult to resist, inner urge. Compulsive behaviors separate the person from the emotions, and they usually provide some sort of "numbing" and form of escape. However, over time the compulsive behavior becomes such a strong need that it begins to control the person. After the numbing has worn off, the pain, guilt, feelings of unworthiness, etc. become even more intense. It is a spiraling, destructive cycle.
Some behaviors that are generally included are: smoking, eating disorders such as excessive overeating, anorexia (severely restricting food intake), bulimia (binging and purging), drinking, shopping, drug use, overworking, gambling, pornography, and unhealthy relationships. Any activity has the potential to become compulsive, and there is no compulsive behavior that is restricted to just men, or just women.
Most people possess a normal desire to live with the least amount of pain, and the greatest amount of pleasure possible. However, some people are more prone to compulsive behaviors. Some of that has to do with inner body chemistry, some with inherited tendencies, and a huge amount has to do with the relationships within the family from childhood on. A child who through various and ongoing childhood experiences learned that people are not to be trusted will often have low self-esteem, and will often have difficulty in developing healthy relationships with others.
We offer the following:
~A weekly workshop based solidly on biblical truths.
~A supportive, caring, and confidential environment.
~An opportunity to examine the roots of you own codependent patterns.
~A safe place to recover from the effects and causes of codependency.
Some behaviors that are generally included are: smoking, eating disorders such as excessive overeating, anorexia (severely restricting food intake), bulimia (binging and purging), drinking, shopping, drug use, overworking, gambling, pornography, and unhealthy relationships. Any activity has the potential to become compulsive, and there is no compulsive behavior that is restricted to just men, or just women.
Most people possess a normal desire to live with the least amount of pain, and the greatest amount of pleasure possible. However, some people are more prone to compulsive behaviors. Some of that has to do with inner body chemistry, some with inherited tendencies, and a huge amount has to do with the relationships within the family from childhood on. A child who through various and ongoing childhood experiences learned that people are not to be trusted will often have low self-esteem, and will often have difficulty in developing healthy relationships with others.
We offer the following:
~A weekly workshop based solidly on biblical truths.
~A supportive, caring, and confidential environment.
~An opportunity to examine the roots of you own codependent patterns.
~A safe place to recover from the effects and causes of codependency.